Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lod always, I will say it again: Rejoice!"
Had a bible study about Joyfulness last night in the fellowship. I realized that I had a very complicated mind last night and I simply cannot focus on the bible study. I am not having much "joy" in my life at the moment. Am I not satisfied with my life? Not really, may be a little. I am thankful to God about all He has given me. I am thankful that I was never lack of anything in my life. But when God show me or give me a hint that He's going to provide more, and I actually went in and try and get it. Everything seems to go smooth and almost within reach, but I couldn't reach them. Everything seems so close, but yet so far. Could it be a test of faith from God? Or is it just a trap of temptation from Satan? As a Christian, I can only tell myself that God is going to provide something better in the future. Just believe in Him with faith. But if I were a non-believer, I'll say this is just a way we comfort ourselves as a Christian.
In the bible study, it reminds me that I need to be thankful and satisfy with what I have, I need to have peace in my mind, I need to have a good relationship with God. But I found that its not easy to have these things in my mind. Its not something that I say I want it and it'll become part of your mind. Its not something I can just force myself to do logically. One of my devotions a few weeks ago remind me to rely on the Holy spirit instead of my own ability, experience God by submitting to him, not by logical thinking. And I am still trying to learn that.
I think the problem is starting to get serious, even affecting my driving. Every shift of gear doesn't seems to match. It feels like someone who just start learning how to drive manual. I am simply not connecting with my car. I guess I really need to spend some quiet time and reorganize my life.
